America's Top Black Presidents

In honor of Barack Obama's historic run to the White House, recently a list was a released of America's top black presidents. Like so many historical rankings, this one was full of controversy. I personally would have liked to see Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho in the top spot, but I guess the listmakers don't agree with his politics.

Horrible Woman

Check out this link from the TV show Moment of Truth

Yao is out for the season!!!

What a terrible situation! Words can't describe how I feel! So maybe this picture I made at work can.....

Also, this bootlegged video also pretty much sums up how I feel.

Pool!

With an influx of superdelegate cash and the huge bonus I received this year of zero dollars and zero cents, we are building a pool. Construction should begin next week. Although a tree has to come down to make room for it, we are remaining carbon neutral by recycling our beer labels and the presence of Ashley's Prius. Pictures to come.

Superdelegate cash

Link

There's gotta be more to this story than this article is claiming (found this off drudge). Do any of you know how this works? What are they receiving money for?

Any info would be appreciated. This whole thing seems a little ridiculous though.

Sharks!

I think I have lived in California too long. Driving to work this morning while simultaneously drinking a Grande Latte, eating my Starbucks Parfait, and listening to Phil Collins, I realized that I was in real danger of losing my Man Card. I began to feel better about myself after sending a few horribly offensive e card to my friends through my work email network, such as this one and this guy here. Then I found an article on the internet later that struck near and dear to my heart. Someone needs to stop the persecution of sharks. Take a look.......

Foam Soap Makes Me Mad

I recently visited a bathroom and after approaching the sink, I dispensed the soap into my hand. At my horror, the soap dispensed in a frothy foam instead a lovely orange, blue or creamy white liquid.

How lazy have we become? Personally, I enjoy a good lather. If submitted to the rigors of the scientific method, I would wager that liquid soap, due to the physics of friction, kills more germs than the slothfulness of foam.

I hereby boycott all bathrooms with foam soap.

The Prodigal Son Returns

After only a single lame post about Huckabee, I have returned to the Moore Family Blog. Why? I have discovered i can post to the blog from my phone. My ultra-lame firm blocks blogs, porn, even evite! What did evite do to them?!

"The Flintstones"... A Documentary?

Soon after making a lame comment to another Capitol staffer about the evangelical nutjobs who deny evolution and believe dinosaurs and man coexisted, I received the following email:

Subject: Dinosaurs in the bible...

Job 40:15-23

15Behold now behemoth, which I made with thee; he eateth grass as an ox.
16Lo now, his strength is in his loins, and his force is in the navel of his belly.
17He moveth his tail like a cedar: the sinews of his stones are wrapped together.
18His bones are as strong pieces of brass; his bones are like bars of iron.
19He is the chief of the ways of God: he that made him can make his sword to approach unto him.
20Surely the mountains bring him forth food, where all the beasts of the field play.
21He lieth under the shady trees, in the covert of the reed, and fens.
22The shady trees cover him with their shadow; the willows of the brook compass him about.
23Behold, he drinketh up a river, and hasteth not: he trusteth that he can draw up Jordan into his mouth.

thanks for playing…..oh wait you don’t believe the bible is real….well, too bad it is talking about an Animal (dino)---
a man during modern history (that of the written age) speaking of dinosaurs…sorry to burst your bubble….
whether God exists or not (to you)…dino's and man did live at the same time.

Did I mention, this guy is the Legislative Director for a senior House Member?
And we wonder why Texas has so many problems...

PJ O'Rourke's letter to our European Friends

Quite possibly the best political article I've read in a long time. Steven, you may be funny and you may repeat more jokes than Larry Moore (i know for a fact that you used that reginald veljohnson line on multiple occassions) but you're still not the "republican party animal"

Here's an excerpt:

"The difference between American parties is actually simple. Democrats are in favor of higher taxes to pay for greater spending, while Republicans are in favor of greater spending, for which the taxpayers will pay. In foreign policy, Republicans intend to pursue the war in Iraq but to do so with a minimal number of troops on the ground. This is not to be confused with the disastrous Bush/Cheney/Rumsfeld policy of using a minimal number of troops on the ground to pursue the war in Iraq. Democrats intend to end the war, but they don't know when. Democrats are making the "high school sex promise": I'll pull out in time, honest!"


Enjoy

Seeking the Professional Advice of one Steven Moore:

Seeing as how I just recently purchased a new car, I knew this day would soon be upon me. It is one of those days you hope for and yet fear all at the same time. It is a rite of passage, if you will. Many questions constantly race through your head. Am I mature enough to handle the responsibility? Will people start to look at me differently? Will I sever my leg on the sharp edges?...

Yes, that’s right--my new license plates arrived in the mail today!! So, I am therefore seeking the advice of Steven Ward Moore, Tamer Of Thy Plates. Please advise how to proceed without suffering the same fate as the unfortunate owner of these plates.

Dad Finally Breaks the Silence!

To whom it may concern,

Many have wondered why I, Dad Moore, have not posted on the internets yet. Some have speculated that I do not know how to post on this “blog”, however, it must be noted that I was the first person in the Settlement to have the internet, and I frequently used my 2k modem to peruse the World Wide Web with my America Online 1.0. I simply deemed it not prudent to post until today.

Without further ado, here is my rundown of the remaining candidates before Super Tuesday:

Democrats - As a yellow-dog Republican, I cannot seriously consider any of these candidates. However, since the kids these days are all over these candidates like they were Hanson or something (or whomever you are listening to nowadays), I will include them. Here they are:

Barack Obama – A black president? Ha. What is next, a blonde James Bond?

Hillary Clinton – Once again, we have a specialty candidate, a female running for president. When will someone in Washington speak for me, the 56 year-old well-to-do white male?

Republicans – this group has real solutions to the real problems in the world, such as me paying a slightly lower rate on my capital gains taxes. Like all of these fine candidates, I advocate tax cuts no matter what the fiscal or economic situation, and those cuts don’t need to be tied to decreases in spending. This is why we Republicans are the party of fiscal responsibility. So here they are:

Mike Huckabee – This man is a Baptist from a small town, thus he is probably a good guy. However, I could never consider voting for him due to his anti-cookie agenda.

Ron Paul – This man gets it, we need to return to the government the founding fathers wanted. No, not the current constitutional democracy, but the one they created in the Articles of Confederation. That was going fine until they blew it up.

Mitt Romney – Some think it’s strange that the Mormon church wouldn’t let African Americans in until 1978. That’s no big deal in my book, after all the Settlement wasn’t integrated until 1991.

John McCain – One time I met John McCain, and I said “Anyone who wants to be president, please raise your hand”. And he couldn’t do it! And oh, how he tried! Boy did I have a good laugh. Turns out later he couldn’t raise his hand because his arms were broken by the North Vietnamese, but that doesn’t make it any less funny.

Anyways, you kids enjoy the posts. I may post again next year.